Been away for the past 3 days. Was away at Malacca, yeh, paid a visit to my aunt's, uncle's and like duhh cousins uh. Hehe. Had a pleasant journey there, and guess what? Hehe, I came into contact with a live cat! Yay! This is so my-first-time. Haha! 8 months old and was super tame and manja: miang in malay. Hahahaha. Aunt named him Manja. And we call him, Anjaaaaaaaa! He'll come crawling to ya! Meowmeow! Tweettweet!

Haha, I guess I've overcame my fear of cats. Well, pretty much. Haha. I can only take those manja ones. Hehe. I picked Anja up and held him like a baby! Gosh, now I know what it feels like to love a cat. Cats are so lovable. Soft fur, mysterious eyes that makes you stare at them in awe, and the seductive purrs. Yum yum!

Suddenly I recalled what my granduncle said about surahs: verses from the Al Quran. All surahs are equally good. A long surah doesn't make it any better than the shorter ones. All of them come from Allah. So no matter whichever surahs you memorize/recite, it'll be all good enough. The sincerity in reciting those surahs is what that counts. Sincerity -the key to gaining trust from others. Haiz, talking about this just sets me contemplating about the whole tudung issue. I'm so not ready. Haha, make that very unready. Till now, I've yet to qatam the Quran. In other words, to finish reading the whole Quran. I'm still stuck at juzuk 26, if I'm not wrong. And, been a long while since I've touched it. Oh man. Not good.

Hmm, but if I'd never start putting this whole wearing tudung to practice, its as good as collecting a whole lot of sin points at every second. You gotta pay for every strand of that hair. Well, I sure have a lot of hair. Heh :/ I'm freaking myself out. Haha.

So what now Fatin?
^ So? So...so..so......soldier of fortune! Lalala.

Astaghfirullah, aku menganggur!

A little story I know of.

Lacey was very aware of the fact that things would probably not turn out like what she assumed would be. She's been hit by storms a couple of times due to lots of different reasons. She's been a nice girl, a really great friend and an ever loving and caring special friend. For someone with a scarred throat, its pretty impressive to maintain that smile. It was really sad to watch her come tumbling down due to being so gullible, and ended up eating her own heart.

She was never like any other girl. Her humble, giggly and weird behaviour made her someone special to a lot of people. She was human too. Grew feelings for this probably impossibly hard to find young man. Their relationship grew very close at a really great pace and it dragged on for a pretty long while. She felt like she was really brought up so high. She could see nothing but him from those dark hazy eyes of hers. He was the world.

It was undeniably disappointing for her to find out, one day, that she was just merely accepted as a close friend with no special bonds developed for that two long years of relationship. Lacey was obviously lost for words. Efforts felt like ashes blown by the cold wind in the middle of a winter. How she wanted so much to cry, but tears refused to roll down from those beautifully carved almond-shaped eyes. She felt so used up, knowing that the impossibly hard to find young man was off for someone else.

There were so much of words from the young man, but nothing was proven evident.

Personally, I pity Lacey so very much. Men are mean, seriously. And I really feel that in this generation, there's hardly anymore men. What's left are just what They call playboys. This is all due to the fact that there's more women than men here living in this world. There's so many 'options' for them. Once they get bored of one, they'll find another one, and another one, and another one and wallah! Magic! 4 women used up just to find that 1 woman that suited him.

I don't know what's the lesson learnt here. Do you?

Back at home, just ditched my guitar aside. Yeh, I'm beginning to pick Rydker up. In fact, been playing it since O levels started. Such a wrong time to play it. Stress-reliever, I should say, or whatever you call it. I gotta get new strings though. Replaced the broken strings but it didn't sound that good. I think I might just do something with Rydker. Soon, just maybe soon.

I did a whole lot of walking today. We were everywhere around Orchard Road, Raffles Place, Clarke Quay. Slacked throughout. My favourite bit from today, the Peppermint Mocha Frap! Hehe. Goes down my throat like pouring cold water down a hot rod. Pssst! Sound effect guaranteed! Awesome.

Been hearing a lot of break ups late this week. To everyone involved, chill it, be strong. Tough? True enough. But you gotta move on sooner or later.

"And the worst part is, before it gets any better, we're headed for a cliff. And in the freefall, I will realise I'm better off when I hit the bottom."
So cheer up to all the broken-hearted. What's life without the spice anyway? :)

Staring at these huge umbrellas at Clarke Quay brings back a lot of those fond memories from last year's Tapestry. Haha, such idiotic moments I will never forget.

I'm just slacking here with my dear friend since morn! Such laid back life. I feel so happy. Great wind, nice view, great atmosphere. We've been snapping lots of photos together. This is what I called real slacking. (Y) Photos will be uploaded on Facebook soon.

I can't be bothered if you're not. Siapa makan cili dia lah yang terasa pedas. Whoever, whatever. Ok, I'm just gonna chillax and savour this moments. Good day!

"See I'm trying to find my place but it might not be here where I feel safe. We all learn to make mistakes,"

People. They're many and very different. Hard to handle :\ Curses! Met Faizal Isa just now. My dear friend wanted so much to get a shot with him. And as usual, I was thinking, 'Hey, why not grab that chance?' He was a relatively tall, young man. Very humble :) I'm not much of a great fan, but he's cool!

I'm dying to catch another movie! Days been kinda hectic, sorta. Whatever it is, I will catch one with my dear friend some time next week! Have to! Haha, I've been dear-ing all my friends. C'mon be humble :) "Dear friends." Heehee.

$91 to catch Muse - so not gonna happen for me :( Can't see Bellamy :'( Please come again some other time, at least when I'm loaded. Grr. This is really sad. Shall get this off my mind and get work done. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better than today. Insyaallah :)

Today didn't go as planned, but wasn't a total regret. All we needed was Ray. Come quick! Anyway, bought myself a new pair of xxxxs! I'm stoked! Zoo outing was cancelled. Haha, good timing cos I've got some big business to do tomorrow!

Eyes are droopy. Time to hit the sacks! Goodnight Earth. Assalamualaikum!

Mama's sick, and so I gotta do a lot of the housework. It doesn't really bothers me cos it is my job to get to know how to manage the house anyway. I so suck at sweeping the floor, doing the laundry but hey, everybody's gotta start somewhere.

Baked some awesome mocca cookies yesterday. I did everything by myself cept for the measurements part and the whole putting-them-in-and-out-of-the-oven part. Hehe, mama did those for me. You should try some. They're swelling!

I might just do a little mini household shopping and stuff with my dear friend. Just trying to give mama a little helping hand. So gonna head on down to Sheng Siong supermarket at the old Woodlands Point later. You can tag along. Hehe, help us out with the carryings.

I've got nothing more to do currently. So I guess I'd like to pen down some thoughts since expressing them here would make me feel a lot better. Its like talking to a non-existent friend, so to speak. But nevertheless, lj's been a real great company and an awesome site. Kudos to whomever who established this site.

Words can make a whole lot of difference in someone's day. Its a really powerful tool. So a word of advice - don't play around with them. Keep to your words. They're the bridge that connects the trust between two individuals, in a way. I'm not stating this for any particular reason. Well, at least I 'think' that its nothing personal. And since I'm thinking of an inner change, this would probably one of my first few hurdles. I'll try my best to overcome this whole trust issue on my own. Yeh, not tellin' a soul about this.

I'm in that Flyleaf feeling again. And by the way, Beautiful Bride is a good track. I felt so outdated cos I didn't know that they'd made a new album. Memento Mori! Gonna check that out! So what if they're a Christian band? I'm not gonna get hypnotized by their Christianity influences. Christ here, hallelujjah there. They're one of my favourite bands but above all, I so love Lacey Mosley.

So okay, I'm gonna work, watch millions of movies, hang out with people..then what? I feel aimless. I've got nothing to look forward too. Well, thats gonna get a little boring and I'm afraid, I feel kinda uneasy. What should I achieve during this period of nothingness? Probably, try to savour the ongoing hostility and work on this whole searching-for-myself-again issue. Yeah, that'll do. See, everytime I surface a problem, I'll get the solution just by typing them here. Haha!

This proves that by penning your thoughts down, your mind will be able to work well and soon enough, you'll find your answer. I feel so free. In fact, too free. Like eagles flying free.

And sometimes, I keep wondering how on Earth could I ever fall for you. I so got to be extra careful the next time when it comes to mixing with others and making new friends. "It hurts remembering how it felt to shut down." but I guess that's a real good lesson learnt for me. Can't trust another unless you know them well, real well. "Open your eyes like I opened mine. Its only the real world: a life you will never know." thanks for that line. Makes so much of sense. Wow. I'm really thanking Hayley for kicking a whole lot of sense in me, if only I could ever do that. Lol.

Alright, I think I'm feeling much better now. Gonna get more chocolates!

I had one heck of a day today. The job interview went quite well, but we're not pretty sure if we are able to get that job. It's pretty cool if we could get it. Good experience AND well-paid! Awesome. Gotta wait for them to give us a call for training. But if that didn't work, a back-up plan would be called for. Actually, we've already secured one job. Not tellin' cos I kinda hate the uniform. The Manager is like urging for us to make up our minds to work with him.

So you see. We're like in a dilemma. Confused as to which job to take on. And when the situation was always one hunting down for a job, now its the opposite. Kinda like an illusion. Takes a miracle for times like these to come - when a job is now hunting you down.

Munching on chocolates feel so good. Currently munching on Beryl's Camior. Hahahahahaha some Malaysian brand chocolate. But as long as its dark chocolate, its good! Writes here - coklat pahit manis. Haha! Yum yum.

Thanks to Paramore's songs, I've actually benefitted a lot from it. They've installed valuable lessons from being the most humble person to being ignorant. Besides, listening to their music was one of the means for me to jump a few grades for English in school eversince I was 14. 2 years and it made a whole lot of difference in the language.

I think I need a change. I need another inner change. I wanna be humble and more conservative. I wanna keep things to myself instead of getting too easily overly-excited on minor stuff and go really noisy. Oh, and one more - to learn to draw lines where the boundaries will lay perfectly. I think I'm gonna need time to be my tour guide along the way. What triggered me to all this? Mama :) Until when will I continue being so childish? The fact that I'm small is enough to bring out the kid in me. So, I've got to learn to be more matured. "You've got to reach out a little m o r e ."

I've been in the mood to watch lots of movies lately. And to spend my time daily, I've decided to revisit all the super hero movies. Fantastic 4 down. X-Men down. Next, Spiderman, and maybe Batman. Whow! I'm so psyched. Revisited AVP too just now on 5. I'm seriously loving this.

I've got a job interview tomorrow at 2pm. Hopefully, all goes well and me and my friends will be able to nail that job down. Haha. That sounded wrong, in a way. After all that movie marathon at home, I'll definitely need to spend some time outside that doorstep. And stepping out means you've got to have that cash baby! Haha. Yeah, movies conquering my daily routine now. I'll find something else to do once I'm sick of it.

And tell you what, I'm not any odd girl. If you see a change, means I don't want to waste anymore of my time on you. Its like "Hey, you've messed me up big time so you can go fuck some place else with your other cute little connections. So bye dick jerk!"

Ahhhh...with the warmest love, I made this entry :)

"My body stay vicious. I'll be up at the gym just working on my fitness."

I had made an honourable vow to myself that I will, in any case, exercise every single day. If not at the gym, then just a jog around Singapore Sports School will do. It's a nice place to jog actually. I'm so saturated with goodness fats after all of that studeating (study & eating) for nearly a month. This is really humiliating but I hadn't exercised for the whole year. I should consider that as the ultimate reason for exercising daily from now on.

I hope that things will work out well tomorrow. And! I'm gonna work out well at the gym tomorrow too. I'm talking about two very different things at the first sentence and the third sentence of this paragraph. Don't get mixed up, baby :)

W E W E R E W A R N E D . 2012 was a real good blast! I'd never thought that it would turn out to be so thrilling. Was out with my dear friend to Vivo City to catch the movie. I swear that the graphics were real good. Everytime there's a scene in a plane or in a car, it felt like I was the pilot and driver. It just got me sitting at the edge of my seat the whole time. You should watch it. If it's good, it's good. Haha! Next up, I wanna watch Paranormal Activity. Woo! I'm lovin' this!

Did I ever mentioned that I didn't know that I was all THAT small? Hahahaha! Nb! I thought being short was worst enough for me. Until I looked at one of the videos of myself, hell no I look like some sec 2 kid! Hmmph, no wonder Cikgu Surianti also thought that I was some sec 2 girl by far. Shit lah. At least my limbs are all of a proportionate size. I'll look normal that way. :( I wanna grow bigger and taller :'(

A very good morning. Today seems like a good day. I'll start the day with a jog, get all of that fatsy burning! Hehe. And say, how about going on a manhunt? Maya confirm like one. Hehe, me too. Waa, first day of heaven feels so wonderful!

What am I to do with my life after 3 pm? There's so many things that I want to do but I have no idea which one to come first. Well, this alone gets me intimidated. I'm better off being in school than at home. (I'm forced to cook! :[)

Prom is coming. That'll cost a bomb for me though. I need a lot me *kaching*! Now I'm having second thoughts of whether to attend prom....and its in school. What do you think? Hehe.

Last night I had a chat with Zanna online and we were talking about poly courses / o level results and you know what? - I don't want to move on to anywhere next year:( Hehehaha. Big lie. Well, yeah like duhh I'm all tensed up about results. But I'm much more worried about where I'm gonna be next year. JC/Poly/ITE? Or maybe some other alternatives? Was thinking of NAFA. But like what Zanna mentioned. NAFA is not a party centre. Passion before fashion. And, I'm not totally convinced by myself that I'll be able to make it to the top if I were to go there.

This is starting to bug me very much. "I'm just a kid with no ambitions, wouldn't come home for the world." RIGHTTTTTTT!

Hello. I'm back again. Looks like I'm gonna go online through my mobile phone again since my computer's crashed and O levels gonna be over in less than 24 hours time! Haha, this is gonna get some getting used to.

Anyway, I sat for HML paper just now. As expected, kinda tough. It's not called higher for naught. Currently tryna practice some mcqs for tomorrow's paper. 1 hour and its at 2. So much for calling it the last paper. "They really don't want to release us early eh?" -Izzah. Haha! There's truth. Hmm..

I need cash! Somebody flood me with some. Yeh, I need to do some bonding sessions with Mama. She's forcing me to learn how to cook this week. After that, I shall make my way to earn some cash, get out there and experience some great stuff.

For now, let's study.

Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see

*hinthint* Hit back to the old days(:

YAY! LAYOUT DONE! <3

TIME TO RANT! I was super fuctup for art just now. Having to come out with just a simple, yet meaningful layout IS such a b___job. HAHAHAHAHHAHAA. I fuct a lot today, which was really disappointing. But can do nothing when my emotions take control. Like finally, I produced something in like twenty minutes ago. Work to be done. I've got 3 days to Art/History paper, 2 days to Chem/SS and I've only touched Art for the entire week. So to all art students wannabes/gonnabes, time management is fucking crucial. Don't end up like me. A last minute bastard. Hehe.

I had to burn the midnight oil. Ok, that sounds disgusting. Uh, I had to stay up late last night till 3 just to create one fucking layout. Was a futile effort though. Nb. HAHA. Anyway, think I'm gonna not sleep again. Will go out with some people to study later. I keep reaching home around ten plus. Drains my energy out sia. Fuctup. But nevermind. 6 more days of O level papers to sit for! GOGO POWER RANGERS!

AND YEAH! Sorry Amira): Everytime when I planned a day, art's in the way! ):):):):

So, fuck art. (:

English and Maths are over and done with! I've done my best, gave my all. Hopefully, it'll all be worth the time and effort. Yay! Okay, can't be too happy cos God knows what kind of results I'll be getting next January. Next focus: Sciences and Humanities! ): I'm worried. HAHAHA. No point of worrying. Just work, work, work lah! I'm gonna produce a layout soon for art! Hurrr......hmmmm.......Oh! I'm hooked on a Malay song. HAHAHAHA. Now must talk in Malay. H.Malay paper coming in next next week! HAHAHA.

Harusnya takkan kubiarkan engkau pergi?
Membuatku terpuruk rasa ingin mati!
Derita yang menjerat kapan akan berakhir?
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku.
Aku cintaaaaaaa........huwoooooooohhhh....
Aku cintaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...hoooooo'hooooooooo....

(Macam hantu)

Syamsul Yusof handsome nak mampus. OK! Dah! Bye!